How connected are you with you?
Posted on January 23, 2011 12:00:00am, by Gerrianne Clare
It is amazing how many of my clients come to me wanting to feel better and not knowing what they need to do to achieve this goal. With every client I find it extremely important to get at the core of what is important to them i.e. what they value most in life and would not want to live without.
Many of my clients know that they want to provide a safe, loving home for their family, have healthy relationships with friends and family and be honest, trustworthy and respectful. Most people want these things in life. When asked the question, “What portion of the time are you honest, trustworthy and respectful to yourself? What portion of the time do you provide yourself a safe, loving home? A safe, loving home may be a place where they are free to be themselves and be nurtured and appreciated for who they are and what they contribute to the home. For many of my clients, the whole idea of appreciating that they are enough is totally foreign to them.
A lot of people are surprised with their answers to the following questions. Am I you loving, honest, trustworthy and respectful to myself? Do I keep agreements with myself to get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthily, meditate etc.? Do I spend the kind of time with myself that I need to feel good about who I am and what I want to accomplish?
This exercise is not designed to make you feel guilty – so please do not go down that path. It is designed to help you develop awareness about how you speak to yourself, how you value yourself and maybe some things that you want to change.
The first step in developing this awareness is stopping and taking stock of what you notice about your relationship with yourself. I read a book years ago called “How to be your own best friend“. I do not remember the author but I remember the title very clearly because it struck me as a foreign concept. I realized then that “I would never speak to my friends or colleagues the way I speak to myself” because if I did, I would quickly be without friends or colleagues – they would have ditched me long ago. At the time, I realized that I was awful with my self talk that I really needed to change how I viewed myself. Some of my common conversations included terms such as “you are so stupid, what did you do that for, you are fat, you are selfish, who would want to be your friend when you do things like that, you are such a loser”.
As soon as I started to recognize this self loathing behavior, I started to make the changes I needed. It was not that easy however. I was aware of what I wanted to change but my old habits and patterns made it difficult to change.
So what does it take to learn to love yourself more? From my years of experience with clients, all the self-development work I have done and through life experience, the one thing that I know you need to do is get connected with who you are and what you want in your life.
This task is sometimes easier said that done. I am here to tell you that it is possible with the intention and commitment to finding your way.
So, my intention is that we break this down into manageable steps. Your old patterns and behaviors may not change overnight but with your commitment and the consistent use of “in the moment” tools and strategies, change can occur. It takes 21 days to change a habit. If you are game, we can work on this together to help you get more connected with yourself and live the life you want.